POSTBAG FROM THE HEDGE OF EVIL

I was reading the Postbag from the Hedge (of Evil) today, and I realized some things that were revealed in it. I feel like sharing today, so lets get down to cracking Jagex's hints.

Letter #1: Poll Orks

Clue 1: "Each one of us has a speshal job to do, from puttin the votes into piles, to doin the countin, to rightin the numbers on the bord." - A Blast-Furnace-like random event perhaps? One player has to run from pile to pile, carrying the votes, another has the task of actually counting, and the third has to write the correct numbers on the board. Like a cross between Trouble Brewing and Barbarian Assault. Or it could be a minigame, with X points for being first and X points for being right.

Clue 2: "We had one ork what tried to change the votes to what he wanted to win..." This has promise. Maybe there would be a Runescape-wide election, and then there would be a quest, because there would be an evil poll ork trying to rig it so Evil Bob, or someone else evil, would win the election. You had to catch the ork and set things right? I'm just fantasizing here, but a cool idea...

Letter #2: King Black Dragon

Clue 1: "Yet, each [dragon] carves a path to the purpose in a singular manner, caring not for the others unless their paths cross." - a Dragon showdown? How cool would that be? Jagex has said that there would be PVP worlds, so there's promise there! Dragons and players vs. dragons and players.

Letter #3: King Roald/Aesonisig Raispher

Clue 1: "As to your concern that a mere mugger might one day harness the power of the runes: well, that is as likely as a Zamorakian establishing an unspeakable altar within our fair city!" This is a very potent clue indeed. Muggers with spells! That'd be fun. Because, as we all know, there IS a Zamorakian altar in Varrock. Look out for the muggers!

Clue 2: "...it also keeps them in a ready state to defend our streets should the unthinkable occur." - This is a clue that could prove to be interesting. An attack on Varrock? By spell-casting muggers? We'll just have to wait and see.

Letter #4: Master Chef

Clue 1: "If they manage to make something which I find reaches the laudable standard of 'barely edible by me', I'll hire them as a commis chef and train them in my arcane arts." - Spells to enhance cooking? So that's why he's the Master Chef! Cool! I want to make jumping beans! Seriously, though, this could mean seeing more in the way of the Lunar Spell "Bake Pie".

Clue 2: "If I ever went back to cooking you'd find my smallest hors d'oeuvres a guilty spark of pleasure..." - Another hint towards the same outcome as the other, he said IF! That means it's possible. Maybe a sequel to Recipe for Disaster?

Letter #5: Mr. Mordaut

Clue 1: Although this letter is more a history lesson than anything, "It has been suggested that certain groups in RuneScape may have operatives inside the [Abyssal Services] Department, for their own ends. This would account for any unauthorised destinations..." - Does this mean that we might get one? Mmm.... Custom teleports. That almost makes me as hungry as the Master Chef's hors d'oeuvres.
EVIL DAVE CONSPIRACY THEORIES

Theory #1: Tutorial Island's Magic Instructor

Apparently, "[Magic Instructor] employed a scruffy young man to look after my three dairy cows [OF TOTAL DOMINATION - E.D.]: Dolly, Emmylou and Linda."Well, why would the Magic Instructor have Total Domination cows? Hmmm... maybe they're trying to dominate the world for taking Tutorial Island out. But! "...one night I heard a ruckus and the dastardly young man had herded my trio of cows onto a raft..." Hmm.... but someone stole them! More world domination afoot. Basically, he's saying that Sir Vant, the new tutorial guy, sounds like "servant", which the instructor used to call the boy. And the three-headed dragon could really be three stuck-together bovines.

My Theory #1: So maybe Evil Dave is controlling "Sir Vant" and his "bovines of mass destruction", so he can corrupt the minds of innocent new players and take over the world from the ground up. A quest waiting to happen.

Theory #2: Robin Hood

Robin Hood believes that Evil Dave, the imps, the "fishy-smelling" White Knights (none of whom use Range weapons) and melee and mage fighters are all allied against rangers. "You may note, sweet rangers, that every now and then one of your arrows or bolts goes missing..." - When this happens, Robin Hood says that the imps, knights, etc. take them to the caves beneath Falador and build a giant Chincompa out of them. This is very evil indeed. Then they will roll it out and laugh and drink tea. This could be a funny quest/event too, but is anything else from Monty Python (large wooden badger) to come?

Theory #3: Father Lawrence

The essence of the Father's letter is that he believes that Zamorakian agents are slipping sleeping potions into the wine from his sermons. Maybe next time they'll put in something deadly, and we'll be called in to find them. Maybe we can make a sleeping potion, though I can't imagine what it would do. This is easily the best possibility for questing of the three conspiracies.

That's all the theories I have, but do you have more? Comment and let me know.